No Rest For The Wicked
by Tonic Dragon
Summary: Ratchet finally gets a rest, or so he thought! When the base is quiet the bots get bored and poor medic suffers.


Disclaimer: I Don't own Transformers, sadly.

Rated T for safety and slight Ratchet x Wheeljack fluff.

' Thought'

"Speech"

"_Bond talking"_

Nanosecond = 1 second

Kilks = 1.2 minutes

Vorn = 83 years

* * *

Ratchet's day could not get any better. The Decepticons were quiet and licking their wound after the Autobots' royally whipped their afts... well really, the victory belonged to Wheeljack.

_**2 Days ago**_

Wheeljack was working on an anti-gravity energy field device designed for the brig and transportation of dangerous Decepticon prisoners from the field. It was designed to be small so it could be sub-space in parts but the prototype was still sizeable. If it worked, it could be used to restrain even the most powerful mechs; or so was the theory. Unfortunately, Wheeljack and the device were outside on the day the 'cons attacked. By the time the 'Cons alerted the Autobots to their presence most the enemy had charged their way through the primary defences.

Wheeljack stood protectively over his precious invention, firing madly at the closest Decepticons. Distracted, Wheeljack didn't see Starscream sneak behind him, aim his Null-ray and fire until blinding pain rocked through his frame. With an agonised yell he stumbled backwards, tripping over his invention and slammed to the ground. A sickening crack of metal vibrated through his helm and processor temporarily dazing the inventor. Red Alerts flashed across his vision as he tried to regain a coherent thought.

As his frazzled processor began to stabilise itself, he was greeted by a high pitched whine. He on-lined his optics hastily and power his missile launcher expecting to see Starscream looming over him; only to stall in confusion. His optics registered nothing but the clear blue sky and no sign of any Decepticons with their weapons anywhere near him. The whining continued and wherever it was coming from was close. Perplexed Wheeljack looked behind himself and the surrounding area trying to locate its source. The volume increased.

'Why is that so familiar?' mused Wheeljack.

"Where have I – ", sudden realisation cut him off. His head snapped down, gazing at his now ruined invention. It was completely mangled, sparking in places and was releasing the now audio piercing whine.

Wasting no more time the engineer scrambled to his feet and sprinted in the opposite direction, yelling frantically to every cybertron he passed, Autobots and Decepticons alike. Out of habit most of the Autobots took his advice seriously and sprinted after the crazy mechanic. The 'Cons did not. Believing the Autobots to be retreating in blinding panic, they surged forward straight into the destructive path of the device.

A few Kilks later and area shook as an audio shattering KA-BOOM echoed through the base. Pain-fill screeches followed immediately after, the 'con army taking the worst of the blast. Some of the 'bots collapse to the ground covering their audios and the others took shelter from the flying debris. As the last of the debris settled, the Autobots remerged in time to hear Megatron call the retreat. The wounded 'Cons picked themselves up, some carrying detached limbs, and quickly scurried after their furious leader.

An eerie silence settling over the area, every Autobot stood in awe as they gazed over battle field. All at once all the Autobots turned to look at Wheeljack. Wheeljack's head fins glowed bright pick in embarrassment and one word uttered from his vocaliser,

"Oops"

Lucky, only Bumblebee, Prowl, Bluestreak, Wheeljack and Sideswipe (much to Sunstreakers' distaste) sustained minor injury. All in all, Ratchet had a light work load and ironically thanks to Wheeljack's timely intervention.

* * *

Wheeljack decided not to remake the AGEFD – 18161898 (anti-gravity energy field device), purely for safety reasons, but of course Ratchet's wench may have helped come to that decision. Later that day he recognised that if the explosion happened in his Lab, the confined space and the volatile chemicals present would have amplified the blast. They would have been fortunate it there was still a base left.

By the second day everything was back to normal, albeit a lot quieter and relaxed knowing the 'Cons wouldn't be causing trouble for while. The work load was light for most and for Ratchet it just couldn't get any better.

Wheeljack was currently in the designing stage of his new invention; so there shouldn't be any explosions for a while (or so he hoped).

Mudflap and Skids were currently occupying a cell of their own in brig 'courtesy' of the now rainbow, glittery coloured Prime. His new makeover was complete with big bubbly stickers planted all over his frame. Sprouting phases such as, 'peace man', 'Save the planet', 'Freedom is the right of all sentient beings' and a really big one quoting 'DON'T PANIC 'in big, friendly letters stuck in the middle of his chest plate. The twins had somehow managed to catch the Prime, settled his office, in a very rare moment of recharge. To make matters worse he only became aware of his new appearance after attending a meeting with his officers so conveniently scheduled just his slumber. The only warning the smaller twins got of the imminent danger was the loud crashing of Optimus's large, heavy feet coming towards them. He grabbed each twin by the helm and promptly threw them both in the brig; he then proceeded towards the wash racks, muttering darkly as he went.

Best of all, however, was that the pit-spawned fragging twins were on patrol for the next 5 hours. Ooh yes, Primus had decided to give the over-worked medic a break, finally!

* * *

Glancing around his medbay, Ratchet huffed in satisfaction, a true and equally rare smile forming on his lips, 'today was going to be a good day!' he thought brightly. He slumped into his chair before stretching his arms and legs loosening the stiff cables. Pausing, he noticed First Aid had not turned up for his shift yet; shrugging the idea off, he was probably just running late. There was only the medical inventory to be done and that is a lot more pleasant when there is someone to talk to. He recalled First Aid consuming a lot of high grade during last night's party anyway. Ratchet chuckled to himself as he remembered Jazz trying to chat up the young medic before the rest of the Protectobots huddled protectively around their team mate. The tired medic released a weary sigh, tucked his servos behind his helm and drifted into a peaceful recharge, knowing First Aid would wake him when he arrived. He distantly recalled his com. ping as he received a message but decided to read it later.

* * *

"...and there! That should work!" The engineer looked over his work with pride, excitement growing in his circuits.

Wheeljack mumbled to himself, his head fins shining a happy blue, as he gathered his tools and equipment he needed. "Shouldn't be too difficult, must cal – "

"HI 'JACK!".

"- AHH"

The fright caused Wheeljack to spin around to face his intruded sending his equipment into the air. He watched for a nanosecond as a stray wench zoomed backwards towards his unfinished inventions.

"Nonononono!"

Jumping quickly over his workbench he managed to catch the formidable object an inch before impact; with his track recorded who knows what that innocent wench could have done. He puffed a sigh of relief and turned to glare at Sideswipe only to find a trash container crash to the floor and sound of the lab doors snapping shut. Rooted to the spot, he continued to stare at the doors for a few kilks before picking the rest of his equipment off the floor, setting them onto the table with an annoyed sigh. Placing the blueprints in front of him, he swiftly lost himself in his latest invention.

"Is it safe?" Wheeljack glanced over his shoulder as Sideswipe's voice caught his attention.

"Sideswipe! What can I do for you?" the engineer asked cheerfully, hiding the slight irritation from the interruption.

Sideswipe ginned, as he stepped closer he placed a friendly arm around WheelJack's shoulder, whilst Sunstreaker kicked an old, dismantled contraption across the floor and looked around the messy lab with a faint disgusted expression.

"I surprised you haven't caught anything in here, its vial" sunstreaker scowled.

"Now, now Sunny be nice to 'Jack"

"Watch it Sides!"

"Well if you can call my Sides' then I can call you Sunny" happily told this glaring brother. A low growl was his answer.

"Yeah, yeah. Now 'Jack we would like to borrow some equipment to help Ironhide build a new compartment in the armoury"

'That strange' Wheeljack frowned before asking "Didn't Prime say all the damage was repaired yesterday?"

A wicked grin crossed Sideswipe faceplate, "Yeah, but that explosion sent debris _everywhere _and it seems the Decepticon left with at least one fragger behind. Ironhide found him in the storage as he went to do a weaponry check"

Wheeljack couldn't help the small chuckle which escaped him.

"Those inventions of yours pack quite the punch!" Sideswipe slapped the inventors back with a wide smirk grazing his faceplate.

"Ok, what do you need?" asked Wheeljack getting back onto the issue at hand.

"We need...a blowtorch, duck-tape, pai —"

"Duct-tape? What do you ne—"

"What's that 'Jack?", Sideswipe suddenly interpreted him pointing to his blueprints.

"Oh, well yes! This is my brand new invention. I call it the Immobiliser! This hopefully should be much more successful then the AGEFD . " exclaimed Wheeljack.

Sideswipe stared at the blueprints. "Sweet! em, 'Jack? I can't make out this bit –"pointing to very detailed area.

Turning his attention back to the project he scanned the area Sideswipe indicated to. He was about to answer when part of his design caught his attention. Quickly forgetting his visitors Wheeljack picked up his stylus scribbling extra parts and notes on the blueprints, absent minded muttering of increasing the efficiently of the device.

Sideswipe was almost bursting with excited, he couldn't have hoped for a better distraction! He continued reeling off the list of equipment to now the preoccupied engineer.

"Uh-hum" Replied Wheeljack after each of the items, only half listening as the twins finished their list.

"Uh-hum... where's that wench?" said Wheeljack as he rummaged through his equipment, the twins list now completely forgotten.

"So can we borrow them, 'jack?" Grinned Sideswipe.

"Hmm... so I connect the capacitor to th —"

"'Jack, the equipment?"

"Yeah, Yeah take what you need" 'Jack carelessly replied.

"Thanks 'Jack" Exclaimed Sideswipe. He and his brother quickly gathered the materials; they had just finished collecting the last tools when Wheeljack asked them a question.

"Shouldn't you and Sunstreaker be on patrol?"

"We swapped with Bumblebee and First Aid, you know, to help Ironhide... can't let opportunities pass by the infamous twins, can we 'Jack?"

Wheeljack spun round to question the twins 'opportunities' as suddenly high levels of suspicious gripped his frame.

"Hey, what are you-" cutting off when the lab doors, once again, snapped shut and the twins gone.

Shrugging off the growing uneasy feeling suspicion of trouble brewing, WheelJack continued with his invention. Ironhide would _let_ them try something stupid.

* * *

A red frame was propped silently against Ratchet's office, listening intently to the sound within. When loud snoring reached his audios he swiftly turned to his yellow companion, identical, evil grin spread across both their faces.

"Execute plan: Flying Wench of Doom". Moving swiftly Sideswipe and Sunstreaker got to work, Sideswipe slipping into the Hatchet's office.

* * *

Ratchet awoke rather refreshed, he spent a few kilks letting his processor online slowly basking in the sleepy fuzz of recharge.

The com. message from before was persistently pinging him and it was from First Aid which was odd.

He activated his optics and started to stretch his sore, stiff limbs but was shocked when they wouldn't move.

His processor jumped to immediate alert and with growing dread looked at his frame.

The animalistic growl echoed off the walls followed by a roar of rage which caused the walls to vibrate violently like sheet metal.

* * *

The attention of the twins turned to the office as they registered the feel of the vibrations. Both were frozen in place staring intently at the door.

There was a harsh clang of metal colliding with metal; a fresh new dint decorated the office door with every heavy impact. The Hatchet wanted out.

Excitement coursed through Sideswipe frame. _"There's our cue bro! You ready?" _The words and his glee transmitted across the bond causing Sunstreaker to smirk as he sent back his reply.

A few larger convex craters formed in the door before it exploded from its hinges, hitting a medical berth then settling with a clatter on the floor.

* * *

Seething with fury Ratchet struggled viciously against the heap of duct-tape restraining his arms, legs and upper body to his chair. Once an arm was free he slashed at the tape using his laser scalpel with expert precision, swiftly freeing each strip holding him to the chair.

With a wild growl he tore himself from the chair before throwing the blasted thing across the room where it struck the door.

Ratchet stomped his way over to the keypad, slamming in the access code to open the door.

"Access denied"

"What the Frag..." glaring at the keypad Ratchet tried again.

"Access denied"

Ratchet felt the remains of his limited patience's dwindle away like an exposed spark. His servos clenched into fist, he bared and grit his denta together before gripping the keypad –

-**CRUNCH!**

The apparatus was torn from the wall. The ripped circuitry and its wires spat and hiss angrily at him as the electricity stung his sensitive servos; but the pain only served to enhance his fury. Dropping the still protesting keypad he barraged his shoulder into the door throwing all of his mass into each angry thrush.

"Primus have- " **SLAM!**

"- slagging-" **SLAM!**

"- mercy –" **BANG!**

"-ON YOUR-"** SLAM!**

"- SPARK!" **SLAM!**

The door bowed outwards is it gathered an array of impressive dints. One more savage kick was all it took and the door broke from its hinges.

Ratchet calmly exited his office.

* * *

He scanned his medbay, oddly finding nothing amiss – except for the yellow and red bots standing innocently besides the main entrance.

Snarling Ratchet stepped forward "You-"pointing accusingly at the smirking pair "-you two did this to me" growling each word.

Sideswipe pouted looking hurt "Us? Now why would you say something like that to a pair of innocent bots like us?"

"You two were fragging created from the smelting pit you pit-spawning slaggers! Innocent, Ha! You weren't fragging programmed with the slagging word! Now Get. Out. Of. My. Medbay!" screamed Ratchet who turned to leave.

"Make me."

Ratchet froze and slowly turned and un-sub spaced his favourite wench. As he turned to face the twins he moved a foot to step forward and aim his wench.

As he did, in the corner of his optic he saw Sunstreaker grab and tip a bucket full of silver balls towards him. As he put his foot down his world spun as he lost his balance, the ball bearings shifting beneath his feet. He overbalanced forward causing him to crash painfully on his front and his wench to balance across the floor before settling at Sideswipe's feet.

Ratchet groaned and looked up to a black servo sinking for his wench.

The medic gasped.

"Dont –" the servo curled around his wench

" – YOU –" Ratchet braced his servos on the floor as he tried to get up only to fall as the balls shifted again.

"DARE – ARHHH! Come back here you pit-spawned fraggers!" The final words were shouted as Sideswipe and his twin took off from the medbay with his beautiful wench.

The fuming medic crawled his way through the maze of balls. Once clear he jumped to his feet and went to give chase only to trip once again on a tripwire. Ratchet stumbled to his feet just as a brown sticky substance seeped over his head and frame. His sensitive audios pinked up the sound of two 'pops' and he felt something gentle and light adhere to his body.

Furiously scrubbing the goo from his optics he took in his new appearance. He was covered in glue, glitter, fluff and feathers. His roar echoed through the base and he stomped over to his spare wrenches... only to find them super-glued to the instrument trolley.

"I hope slagging Primus likes you, because when I fragged get hold of you two pit spawned slaggers I'm going to turn you into scrap slagging metal and let Wheeljack put you back to-fragger-gether!" bellowed Ratchet before he finally raced out of his medbay.

* * *

Barrelling down the corridor, a funny looking Ratchet slammed into the rec room swiftly scanning the shocked occupants.

"Where the _frag_ are they?" he yelled causing the bots to flinch. He scanned the room again but this time his glaze settled on First Aid.

"You! Where the frag have you been!" he had never shouted at his student before but he was past caring.

"I-I w-well I was on patrol, did you not get my message?" asked First Aid timidly "We swapped with Sideswipe and Sunstreaker so they could help Ironhide, they cleared it with Prowl apparently."

Ironhide popped up at that point "Help me with what? And Jazz forced Prowl to take the day off."

First Aid and Bumblebee sunk into their seats, trying to hide from the medic's wrath.

He was about to give these youngling a long lecture when the voice of his nemesis caught his attention.

"Raaaaatchet!" sung Sideswipe "Looking for this?" Sideswipe waved the wench playfully towards the angry CMO.

"Give it back!" Spat Ratchet.

"Come and get it!"

Ratchet was already out the door chasing them. Both Sunstreaker and Sideswipe transformed and zoomed off, something Ratchet could not do with the infernal stuff still covering his frame. The medic carried on chasing them however, as fast as his two legs would carry him.

Surprise forced him to stop as he departed the Ark. Right in front of him, sat innocently on a rock was his beloved wench and he stormed carelessly towards it.

If Ratchet had been less angry it may have occurred to him that life is never usually that simply and may have been more cautious. Unfortunately, he was too preoccupied that he didn't see the second tripwire and for the third time that day he face-planted the floor.

He looks up in time to see the mechanism active and he gasped and watched as his beloved wench was catapulted into the distance, a good few miles away. It was then he noticed the music playing –

"If you hate me after what I say  
Can't put it off any longer  
I just gotta tell ya anyway

Bye Bye Baby, baby goodbye.  
Bye baby, baby bye bye.  
Bye bye baby, don't make me cry  
Bye baby, baby bye bye.

You're the one girl in town I'd marry  
Girl, I'd marry you now if I were free  
I wish it could –"

**CRUNCH**

The music sputtered abruptly as Ratchet stomped on the radio hidden behind the rock.

"TWINS! I'LL FRAGGING KILL YOU FOR THIS! THEY'LL NEVER FIND YOUR BODIES!" he yelled as he headed for to get his wench back.

* * *

Meanwhile on the top of the Ark...

"You getting this Sides'?" Sunstreaker turned to his smirking brother holding the camera.

"Yep" replied a cheerful Sideswipe.

"Do you think we went too far?"

Both twins looked at each other "Nar!" they said unison.

"Hey, let's go back in and celebrate with high grade. Ratchets' well on his way to getting his wench back" and the twin headed back

* * *

Ratchet returned hours later. He was dirty and miserable but that didn't stop him contacting First Aid and Ironhide.

"First Aid, your covering the medbay" he waited for the faint 'yes sir' before comming Ironhide.

"Ironhide, find those blasted twins and get them to clean my medbay... I'll be in my quarters." He shut off the link before he heard an answer and went straight to his quarters.

* * *

Wheeljack exited his lab blissfully unaware of the recent chaos and strolled towards the medbay, humming happily. As he entered he stopped dead _everywhere_ was a mess. Ball bearings were scatter across the floor, the broken office door was propped against the office wall, glue still slugged snug like down the sides of the medical berths and _everywhere _was cover in feathers and glitter. To one side Ironhide was looming menacingly over a pair of grumbling twins, each with a mop in hand as they moodily cleaned the mess.

Wheeljack was about to ask where Ratchet was when Ironhide silently pointed to the door at the back of the medbay, Ratchet quarters. He stepped cautiously over the mess, particularly mindful of the ball bearings and typed in the override code. The door hissed open admitting him into the dark room. Stepping inside Wheeljack waited until the door slide closed again before switch on the light. His optics widened in shock as he looked over his friend. Ratchet look like his medbay, he was covered in, dirt, mud, features, fluff, glitter and what appeared to be duct-tape sticking out in random places, but that was not what worried Wheeljack.

Ratchets frame was slumped forward on the edge of his berth, his face resting in a servo as the other pulled a feather from his kin joint; the medic looked miserable.

Wheeljack sat beside him but said nothing knowing Ratchet liked to rant about his problems. He didn't have to wait long.

"One day 'Jack, one day, that's all I ask for. Is it too much to ask? Is that selfish of me to want what everyone else gets? Just one fragging peaceful day" Ratchet voice was more depressed than Wheeljack had ever heard from the medic making him shift uncomfortably.

"I thought maybe, just maybe today was going to be different... I was a fool" Ratchet then straightened before turning to Wheeljack.

"Why are you here? Nothing you say will cheer me up today 'jack" Ratchet once again turned away from him returning to pick at random feathers.

Wheeljack released his mask before his servo gentle turned the medic's face back to him. His other servo gentle caressed Ratchet's cheek rubbing the sticky mess from it. Looking deep to his optics Wheeljack smiled sadly at him, a finger tenderly traced the soft lips before he placed a loving kiss on the medics. He felt Ratchet relax and return the kiss as the medic's wrapped around him, pulling him closer.

Pulling free Wheeljack locked his glaze with his mates', "I love you, Ratchet" he spoke softly before nuzzling Ratchet's neck. He felt Ratchet smile "I love you too 'Jack, but now we're both a mess"

"Hmm, How about I help you shower?" Wheeljack muttered into his mates' neck his tone hinting on seductive.

"You know just how to cheer me up 'Jack". Tipping Wheeljack face towards his, Ratchet captured his lips again before pulling his mate up and tugging him towards his private wash rack.

* * *

Song: Bye Bye Baby – by – Bay City Rollars

I'm a sucker for Ratchet x Wheeljack pairing and this is the first time I've attempted a story let alone smut... is it ok? ****fumbles nervously****

I hope the characters not too OoC for you. I could not resist using one of Wheeljack's original inventions, The Immobiliser; it is one of my favourites!

I think I could have done the story a bit more justice, but what do you think? Please R&R. Thanks for reading!

Oh, would anyone like me to write one where Wheeljack gets revenge on the twins?


End file.
